Finding Support In Unexpected Places

There’s usually an idea of the type of support you might have as a parent. You are normally assumed to have some established or inherited support, like a close-knit family or reliable close friends that live nearby.

It isn’t expected that you may need to build a village from the ground up when you become a parent. But a number of parents do need to build their village or support network from scratch.

Sometimes, support can also materialise differently to how we expected, or differently to how it seems to for other people.

Sometimes it grows slowly over time. From gradually making friends with other mums at playgroups, to maybe having chats with next door neighbours, or joining online motherhood platforms.

We can feel support or encouragement in a myriad of different ways sometimes when we don’t have a traditional village. From librarians, preschool staff, strangers that show kindness out and about in the world. It sometimes comes from soothing routines, certain places that feel special and safe, your partner, or yourself. 

It can feel strange to find pieces of our own type of village or support in places you don’t expect, or that don’t look like the norm.

If you’re anything like me, it can feel hard not to feel like you’ve done things “wrong”, because parenthood doesn’t look like the picture that is expected, or so many other parents’ contexts. It can also feel difficult when trusting people already feels a bit challenging. Opening yourself up to others in order to build your own support network from scratch can feel scary and vulnerable.

It can also be hard to reach for or accept even little pieces of support when you are still processing the grief of it not coming from the traditional places that you feel like it is “supposed to”.

When it feels unfamiliar to receive support, it can feel scary to try and build something from any of the sources of kindness around you, especially when it is from places you wouldn’t have expected. But, we are usually rewarded for just starting from where we are and opening ourselves up to the picture looking different. 

In motherhood, I have found pieces of support in places I would not have thought to look in before, but each time I have been so grateful that I have let in light from these different parts of my world.

I think sometimes we expect building a village to mean suddenly being surrounded by people, when it usually means slowly finding pieces of support along the way that make you feel safe and seen, even if it’s not how you expect to come across it.

Be gentle with yourself this week.