The Small Kindnesses That Matter
Sometimes the moments that stay with me in motherhood are not the big ones, but the tiny everyday kindnesses that were extended to me exactly when I needed them.
Someone holding the door open for me when I was pushing my pram into the pharmacy. Someone saying “good morning” to me and my toddler on a morning walk. Another mum smiling at me and my baby at preschool pick-up. Someone helping me to get my pushchair off of a train when it was busy.
These are the types of kindnesses that seem ordinary, but feel so emotionally significant when you feel tired or isolated.
These especially become lifelines when you do not have a village to support you.
When you don’t have a support network, even tiny acts of kindness in a day reduce the emotional load you are carrying, and that feels massive.
It can also be so meaningful to just be noticed, to be seen by others. Receiving a bit of acknowledgement that you don’t get as a regular part of life. These small acts of care can make you feel less invisible, less like you are silently doing so much without people seeing you.
Kindness can also interrupt survival mode. In challenging seasons of parenthood, especially without a village, kindness can make you feel more connected to the world around you. It can make you feel a bit lighter, more a part of a community, like you are experiencing the colour in the world.
It can also feel quite strange when you are extended kindness when you don’t have regular support and are used to doing everything mostly alone. It can feel a bit surprising, because you have stopped expecting care from others. In this way, when you experience gentleness out in the world, it can completely floor you in a way that makes your entire day.
These moments can sometimes feel like sun on your skin. It can feel so meaningful when a stranger smiles at your baby or asks their age. When a mum relates to something your child does in passing, saying “Mine does that too!”, or when a health visitor is soft and encouraging. When a member of preschool staff talks to you about how adorable your child is. When your partner validates what a wonderful parent you are after a long day, out of the blue. When someone offers for your child to pet their dog, after seeing them beam at the sight of them.
All of these small moments mean the world to parents that don’t have built-in support.
It can also be the catalyst that makes you put yourself out there more and try to find more pieces of a village. When you experience every day human kindness out in the world, it encourages you to go out into the world more, which can have a positive ripple effect on your world starting to get bigger.
It might give you more confidence to go to playgroups, to smile and chat to other parents in the park too, and to reach out to other parents who might be in the same boat.
This can also have another layer if you grew up without consistent care, too. It can make you notice and feel kindness from others more deeply.
We remember the people who have made us feel safe when we often haven’t.
We remember the people who have been kind when we haven’t expected the world to be kind to us.
These external kindnesses can become something else too. They can model how we can give kindness to ourselves internally, in our own mind, when we maybe aren’t used to doing that. It can mean we start to talk to ourselves a bit more softly, and offer ourselves more encouragement too. Maybe we let ourselves sit and have a cup of tea even when there are lots of jobs to do. Maybe we stop criticising ourselves so constantly. We become a kinder place for ourselves.
These kindnesses we experience sometimes may be small or seem ordinary, but they can have a big impact if you don’t have much support, or aren’t used to them.
Be gentle with yourself this week.