The Quiet Ways We Mother Ourselves

When you do not have your own mother to mother you the way that you normally would, naturally, it becomes our job to mother ourselves as well as our little humans.

This happens quietly and sometimes without you noticing at first. There are lots of little ways you nurture yourself in everyday life, when there is no one to do it for you – and that is you being your own mum.

Being your own mum often looks like speaking kindly to yourself, giving yourself permission to rest, having lower expectations on hard days, letting yourself cry when you need to, and validating and making space for your feelings. It also often looks like learning more about how to take care of yourself as an individual – what things trigger you emotionally, when to step back from situations that make you feel burnt out, and what things soothe you when you feel stressed.

When everything has felt constant on any given day, and you tell yourself softly that the laundry or the dishes can wait for a moment while you sit down to have a snack or a cup of tea and nourish yourself. Or when you remember to drink a little water and take a deep breath, reminding yourself that you don’t need to do five things at once.

That is you nurturing yourself as your own mum.

Mothering yourself doesn’t mean doing things perfectly, or finding more tasks to complete to ‘live better’. It is instinctive, messy, and quiet. It is internal work that, if we aren’t used to feeling mothered, takes a while to get into a rhythm of and doesn’t come naturally, but builds over time in each small moment.

This is quiet internal work that goes unseen, and we do alongside feeling all the exhaustion that comes with parenting little humans. It takes care and softness, and building a whole lot of patience with ourselves.

You are not alone in this, and there are others out there doing this too. You are doing a great job, even if you feel like you aren’t. You deserve to give some of what you give to everyone else to yourself too – that compassion, empathy, and care. You can pour love and care into your children and yourself at the same time, and as a mum without your own mum, that is meaningful and deeply caring parenting.

Be gentle with yourself this week.