Sickness With Less Support

It is a part of having little humans. You get sick sometimes. You get pretty much every common illness under the sun at some stage, at least once, especially when they are going to preschool or school.

Whether it be the flu, a nasty cold, the dreaded norovirus, or something else, it can be really difficult when the whole household comes down with something.

It is talked about a lot in terms of the transition to parenthood, the huge difference that when you have kids, you can’t just “take a sick day” or “sleep off” an illness any more. Before, you might have spent the whole day in bed, resting, drinking plenty of fluids and making sure your body can get better as soon as possible. When you have little humans, this isn’t really possible, you are needed elsewhere.

Even while sick, and on limited capacity, you are needed to be on your feet, making meals, snacks, running baths, and taking care of all of their needs. You are still needed to read books, play games, and set up activities, even if they are great at independent play. There is still a lot that you need to do in a day, even if your body is not in great physical condition to do so.

This is a major thing to get used to when you become a parent. You somehow need to try to take care of your own needs, around all of the ones of your little humans, which means that sometimes you cannot rest as much as you need to, even when your body is shouting at you to.

You are also, most of the time, running on broken sleep as well. This means illnesses linger, symptoms might be worse, and you wonder how you will physically get through the day until bedtime.

When the whole household comes down with something, as well, your priority is caring for your little humans when they are under the weather too. You are getting your child their doses of Calpol, whatever food they can manage, and soothing their feelings about being unwell.

Being unwell yourself as a parent is a challenging experience.

This experience has a whole different level without a support network or village. Without a network of some extended family and friends supporting you regularly, it is not an option to call a grandparent or friend to come and help to take care of your little humans while you are unwell. Or simply to pick up something from the shop because you can’t. Or just to give you some help around the house while you aren’t physically up to it. Without a village, there are no options like this.

Don’t get me wrong, even with a support network of lovely people who help you and your family, illness is a time when it feels like you can’t really ask for hands-on help sometimes if it is an illness that might spread. There is quite a bit of irony to having a stomach bug and it being probably the time where you need help physically the most, but it is also the time you absolutely cannot ask for it. So for parents with a village around them, it may not look that physically different sometimes in these circumstances.

There is a mental impact to knowing whether it is there for you, though.

When you and your family are suffering from an illness, even if there is no hands-on help, it might make it feel lighter to message or call an extended family member. To chat to your own mum about the times you were unwell as a child. To ask for advice, to chat about something unrelated, maybe to celebrate when the whole family is feeling better again. It makes a difference knowing you have people there for you, people that want to help even if they can’t.

Also, without a village, you do not have the hands-on help after everyone is healthy again to regroup, which might be really beneficial.

When you don’t have this support network, or your own mum or extended family nearby, it can feel like a heavier experience than a common illness ordinarily would. There can be anxiety surrounding it, with depleted capacity and energy levels while also being the only people there that can care for your children in any circumstances. It can make you feel vulnerable, and perhaps elevate stress levels, which can also slow down recovery.

With less people to help you or take things off of your shoulders, it can physically and mentally leave you in a position where common illnesses take longer to recover from.

You might feel more pressure to take care of yourself when you are healthy, to take your vitamins, and to keep a closer eye on how physically healthy your body is because there are less people around you to help or step in to take care of your children if you do catch an illness.

If this is your experience, if you dread the winter time rolling around, or feel like you get hit harder by the common cold than other parents around you seem to, you are not alone.

It is harder on your mind and body to recover from even the most ordinary illnesses when you do not have a village, or at least a few supportive people around you to rely on for any help, or even just to check in on you and your family.

Be gentle with yourself this week.