Gratitude

There are all sorts of things that are a bit louder without a village around you in parenthood. Self-doubt, anxiety, mental noise, loneliness, grief, the list goes on.

But one thing that sometimes the volume is turned up a little bit more on, is gratitude.

Of course, as parents, we are all so incredibly aware of how lucky we are to have our little humans, and we have so many moments of such immense gratitude for what we have.

Without so much around you, I have noticed that sometimes you can feel gratitude a bit more deeply when you do receive support or things do feel a bit easier.

With less support on a daily basis, much less guaranteed help from others, and a guarantee that life will actually be quite a bit harder because you don’t have a safety net of supportive people around you, the things that you do have and do receive can sometimes be very impactful. Sometimes when things do feel a bit easier, it feels like an even bigger win, and an even bigger relief.

There is another layer, too, if you are a parent that has no village because you have set boundaries or are breaking cycles.

Sometimes, in this context, the work is so painful, but the gratitude comes from knowing each day that your little humans are only surrounded by love, care, and safe human beings. Sometimes the gratitude comes from knowing that you haven’t continued any of the emotional or physical harm you experienced, that you broke free of all of it for yourself, and that your family unit is safe and healthy.

This is definitely not a piece advocating for struggling so that you feel a bigger pay-off when you don’t struggle for a minute. Nor is it a piece of advice to “just be grateful” in pretty font on a pin for your Pinterest board. Because the context of parenthood without a village is a difficult one. There is absolutely no getting around that, and it is okay to feel how hard it is, and to not force yourself to practice gratitude or find the positive every single day.

It is just an observation of the effect you get sometimes of having less, and everything being a little heavier most of the time, that when someone does show up, you do receive a bit of care, or you are simply taking stock of what you do have around you, you can find yourself feeling bigger feelings about it all, because having support and ease is not a built-in part of parenthood for you.

Maybe a friend that lives far away came to stay with you for a few days, and you felt a boost in support and sharing the joy of your family that you don’t usually get. Maybe your little humans slept really well through the night, and the day ahead feels full of more energy and excitement than usual, because you feel rested. Maybe you had a really good conversation with a friend over video-call, and it reminded you how cherished they are as a part of your life. Maybe you had a beautiful dinner time with your little family unit, and laughed a lot together.

Sometimes you can feel intensely grateful that even though you didn’t expect to be parenting with such little support around you, you are actually doing a great job, and are really happy with your family unit. You can feel grateful for all that you have, and all that you have managed to build, alongside the grief of the things you don’t have.

When you don’t have a village, it is easy to focus on the things that are missing. What you don’t have is highlighted in your every day experience, feelings and things that are more challenging.

But on the other side of the coin, when you don’t have a village, there can be deeper feelings of gratitude sometimes, too. You don’t expect anything, so when you do receive, it can feel like confetti falling from the sky. It can make you feel more emotional, and be more impactful.

You deserve to feel grateful for what beautiful things you have, or receive, when you feel able to. And when you don’t, it’s okay to feel the sad feelings too.

Be gentle with yourself this week.