Comparison Feels Different Without a Village

Comparison is a natural part of being a human being. We often find ourselves comparing ourselves to others, often without meaning to. We notice other people in our everyday life and environment. We notice other families, other parents, other people, and their ways of doing things.

Comparison can sometimes feel neutral, and not mean anything or it can feel heavier – life context often has a strong influence on how we view ourselves in comparison to others, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. As a parent, you cannot help but notice how other parents are handling things. As a parent without a village, it can be all too easy to focus on how others are finding parenthood, and how they seem to be managing and navigating things.

When you are parenting without a village, comparison can feel sharper. It can land more heavily. Not because you are insecure, but because you are carrying much more on your own.

It is often not actual parenting we are comparing, either. It is the ease we feel others parent within, or the amount of support we perceive others have. It is seeing that others might have more backup, more opportunities to rest, or more options for people to rely on.

This doesn’t mean you are carrying resentment towards others, it is another way grief shows up when you are parenting without a village. Comparison often highlights grief for what you don’t have, because you see others that have that network and support around them.

You are not behind. You are working with different inputs. Different support creates different capacity.

Your boundaries, your pace, and your way of parenting make sense in the context you are living in.

Comparison doesn’t mean you are failing. It is natural to compare, and you are a human in a system that is not built for all equally. Parenting is not a one-size-fits-all, and everyone’s context weaves a different reality.

Be gentle with yourself this week.